I hope this email weeds out the cream puffs, namby-pambies, and milksops for me.
Because if you believe even one of the phrases I’m about to share with you is, quote — unquote, “violent,” then I don’t ever wanna work with you (even if we can make oodles cashola together).
In fact, I’d go as far as to say that this email offers you no “value” other than giving you a chuckle or making you so furious with my acceptance of “violent” language that you unsubscribe and do a hard, Men In Black-esque wipe of me from your memory banks.
So, here’s the quick story:
I saw this meme floating around the cuddliest online circles, where many ushy-gushy SJW type mfs pretend some of these phrases are as bad as enacting physical violence on someone.
Here are some of the phrases you’re no longer allowed to say to be politically correct—and their utterly insane, PC-safe alternatives:
* We’re going to pull the trigger. Instead, you’re supposed to say “we’re going to launch.”
(What if you’re pulling the trigger on a purchase rather than a launch though?)
* I’ll take a stab at [it]. Instead, you’re supposed to say “I’ll take the first pass at [it].”
(But what if it’s the second sta… Erm, I mean pass?)
* Did we jump the gun? Instead, you’re supposed to say “did we start too soon?”
(Ah yes, jumping the gun causes physical sensations of violence, I do hear tell.)
* I’ll bite the bullet. Instead, you’re supposed to say “I won’t avoid it any longer.”
(Isn’t the word “longer” mean to people who are short?)
* What’s the deadline? Instead, you’re supposed to say “What’s the due date?”
(LOL — surprised they didn’t change this one to “what’s the aliveline?”)
* That’ll kill two birds with one stone. Instead, you're supposed to say “That’ll feed two birds with one scone.”
(This is my favorite one, as if birds eating scones isn’t a blatant attack on their identity as birds.)
* Can you shoot me an email? Instead, you’re supposed to say “Can you send me an email?”
(Back on our birds spiel… isn’t this violent for carrier pigeons who have been replaced by email?)
And so on and so forth.
Of course, this is lunacy. Next, they’ll tell us that using emotionally evocative words—like sabotage, bloodbath, and gut-wrenching to name a few—are evil acts of violence.
So hear this and hear it loud and clear:
If you want to write the most persuasive, infectious, and actionable copy, you’re gonna have to use some “no-no” words, especially as time passes by and the world becomes more and more crazy.
Do with that what thou wilt.
And if you need help writing infectious copy that makes people pull the trigger on your offer, long before your deadline happens, book a call here, and let’s chat.
John