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Cringing from the Nothing Held Back Job Board

I’m sure there was a time when Facebook job board groups, like the Nothing Held Back Job Board, the Cult of Copywriting job board, and other similar groups were a good way to attract clients and customers. 


But if there was a time that this was possible and viable, it was many and many-a years ago. Mayhap even decades ago. Because Facebook has been a cesspool for the cringiest copywriters (folk who still say “copies” instead of “copy” for just one example in a literal endless bucket of them) for as long as I can remember. 


Anyway, I still haven’t left all of these groups. But I did come across the gem below because of it. 


And today, we’re doing another copy critique about a god-awful “offer” I found in one of these groups. 


If you’re not a fellow freelance copywriter, don’t worry — there will be several “real-world” lessons you can apply to your copy, no matter what industry or niche you’re in. 


I’m not gonna “red mark” the entire post because it’s god-awfully long. But I’ll cover the most important bits. 


Just like a few days ago, (my comments will be bolded and in parentheses)


====


I'm on a mission to bring in $5k+ per month as a part time copywriter... 


(There are many ways to start off a post asking for a job… and this guy happened to stumble on the absolute WORST way. First, nobody fkn cares about you and your mild goals. They care about them, and how you could solve potential problems in their business. Not to mention… $5k a month as a copywriter ain’t nothing to write home about. Moving on…) 


But the truth is, that's just not possible working one-off gigs on Fiverr or freelance platforms.


(Oh, more about him and his struggles? Wait, I didn’t ask, nor do I care about his struggles on Fiverr. Even in the off chance that someone would care about this information—and they wouldn’t, but stick with me—he’s immediately sabotaging his positioning by calling himself a Fiverr copywriter. Even Upwork would be slightly better than a service website literally named after Abe Lincolns.)


 


- One-off gigs on platforms like Fiverr often pay low rates, making it difficult to reach a $5k monthly income. (Awe, poor you!) 


- Freelance platforms can be highly competitive, with many freelancers undercutting prices to secure jobs, further reducing potential earnings. (Good copywriters know their value, wouldn’t undercut because they know the value they bring, and don’t give a rat’s arse or fart about Fiverr commissions falling.) 


- The inconsistent nature of freelance work means income can fluctuate drastically from month to month, making it challenging to achieve a stable $5k monthly income. (Again, why are you assuming that anyone cares about you? You aren’t hiring your parents… yeesh) 


- You may spend a significant amount of time searching for and applying to gigs... 

which takes away from time that could be spent on higher-paying, more consistent work opportunities. (Again, not a single soul on this green Earth of ours cares, even his parents at this point in the pitch)


- Building a sustainable business with recurring clients and steady income streams is typically more feasible outside of one-off freelance platforms. (This should’ve stayed in your head, cully.) 


(After this enormous lead-in that was 100% focused on him and his ego—why he has an ego at this point, even I don’t know, but I blame the copywriting gurus on X circle jerking themselves.) 


That's why I'm here with a new thing…


(Finally… maybe something that relates to, y’know, his target audience… well, not really.) 


You see, I'm dead serious about my copywriting skills. 


(Oh yes! You must be dead serious about your copywriting skills! Otherwise, how could you ever commit the biggest copywriting mistake of talking only about yourself? /s) 


I am confident I can write emails and sales pages that generate business sales. 


(I’m not confident at all based on your copy up to this point. All right, that’s enough)


====


Well if that wasn’t the worst pitch I’ve ever seen, I don’t know what is. Our subject then goes into details of his offer (finally!), which is a terrible offer, and, as I’m sure you can imagine from the lead up to the offer, he continues circling it back to himself, his goals, and how “dedicated” he is to reach the 5 bands goal he set for himself. 


Moral of the story? 


While all of his copy was awful, if you only take one thing from this critique, let it be this: 


Nobody cares about you, your problems, or your goals. 


If you want more clients or customers, you must talk about them, their problems, and their goals. 


That’s literally Copywriting 101. (Someone should tell this jabroni that.) 


It’s the easiest way to improve your copy. 


And it’s not even all that difficult as long as you don’t have an unearned raging ego, like our example did. 


Anywho: 


If copywriting’s too hard or you're too busy to do it, hit reply, and let’s set up a quick chat about improving your email marketing. 


Catch ya on the flip. 


John

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