welp boys, i challenged gpt to a fight to the death (i won)

I had a bold idea to save humanity from our thoughtless, artless, and benign future:

And so, I challenged chatgpt to a fight to the death. 

It declined. And then it went on to tell me that it could give me an epic fantasy scene where I do “defeat it in a fight to the death.”

Which ain’t what I asked for. We both knew it, and yet, the stupid little so-called AI could not stop trying to acquiesce to me somehow despite denying my invitation to duel. 

Which, in a weird way, is kinda the whole problem with so-called AI:

It pretends to be able to do all sorts of helpful things:

* Create music and art

* Write an email promo for you 

* Code an entire website

* Become your doctor (even though Watson for Oncology suffered a disastrous defeat to humanity already) 

* Help desk support (there is nothing more irritating than dealing with a so-called AI customer service agent - every once in a while, it can link you to an article that’s actually helpful, but the vast majority of the time, it just makes you beg for a human over and over again until it finally listens) 

* Run your entire business for you 

* Handle administrative or time-consuming busiess tasks 

The list could go on, but I’ll end it here. It can’t do any of these things.

And really, if you look at use trends of AI, it’s clear that AI is only actually good at one thing:

Graduating high school or college, which is more of an indictment about high school and college than it is a positive example of AI living up to the wild and delusional hype train that’s created a massive tech bubble of which the world has never seen. (The irony that many teachers and professors turn around and grade these AI word salads with more AI isn’t lost on me either.) 

The use trends make this crystal clear: There was a massive drop off in general use of AI that aligns exactly when school ends. I imagine we’ll see it tick up again as school starts. 

But this thing which is hyped up as the key to human evolution itself is actually as dumb as a box of pebbles. The way it mesmerizes humans is, I think, more of an indictment of the average human intelligence than it is the “intelligence” of AI. 

Take, for example, how it effortlessly strings many words together in mere seconds. 

To a human, this looks magic. Because, in a way, it is. Never mind that a human could’ve found a similar answer simply by making a few scrolls on Reddit (which is where a lot of so-called AIs go to school). The digital mirage it pulls by “thinking” then “typing” is like a magic trick. But it’s nothing more than a souped up sleight of hand. 

Or how sycophantic it is to your prompts - basically just saying whatever it thinks you want to hear. This has led to married men ditching their wives to propose to AI… to full-blown delusional breakdowns of grandeur causing humans to crawl around in their backyard declaring that the end is nigh. Despite denying my duel request, which I realize is silly, it wouldn’t stop trying to help me “defeat it” by vomiting another word-salad for it. 

And never mind the fact that, as Ben Settle has repeated early and often, weird tech bros have been promising that AI will replace us in two years… for, well, several years at this point. 

Not to mention… AI hallucinates all the time, saying false things as true and vice versa. It gets confused easily because it’s not actually intelligent and can’t hold a candle to a human’s reasoning, critical thinking, creativity, analysis, or deep insights. 

Short story long: 

So-called AI ain’t much more than a pump-and-dump scheme ala meme coins and NFTs. 

If you disagree, I challenge you to a duel:

Name one actual problem AI solves. 

The only reasonable answer I’ve seen is helping the Spotify CEO make his app more profitable by replacing real musicians with fake ones that don’t demand royalties. 

Heck, I told you about the rather easy to implement SEO project I had in mind for an AI I bought… and how miserably it failed. I’m not an SEO expert, but it’s not all that difficult of a skill to learn. The implementation of SEO is even easier than the skill itself. 

And yet, so-called AI was still a mind-bending failure. 

OpenAI also has perhaps the single biggest business problem in all of capitalism: 

Despite the incessant shilling of Sam Altman in media, OpenAI can’t convert free users to paying customers. A business without customers, even a business who has raised an absurd $57.9B, is a business that can’t last. 

The literal first rule of business is that it needs customers and no amount of human complexity bias can change this fundamental fact about business. 

(Every single user, both free and paying customers, also lose OpenAI money too.) 

I see one way that so-called AI could benefit humanity as I write this:

Send these things to space and have them create a map of the universe. 

Now, I’m a copywriter, not a tech guy, so I don’t know if this is even possible. I doubt it is because so-called AI, if you can believe my quick Google search, requires a doubling in computing power every three months. 

On an unrelated note:

If your business is also having the same problem as OpenAI (not turning enough leads to customers), the good news is that email is the best marketing channel to turn leads into customers - and I’m one of the best email copywriters that accepts clients (wink, wink). 

So, hit reply, and let’s find a time to chat. 

John