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The stupidity of Spider-Man

Tongue-in-cheek story for you today: 


I recently bought Spider-Man 2, the video game. And I’ve spent a couple of hours playing it since it downloaded. 


And, boy, Spider-Man is as stupid as a bag of rocks. Mayhap even stupider. 


Here’s what I mean: 


One of the B storylines in the game is about how Peter Parker (otherwise known as Spider-Man) is broke. In the last Spider-Man video game, his employer turned out to be Doc Ock. And, turns out, Doc Ock destroyed an entire city, lost his business, which means our superhero lost his job. 


In the first-ish mission in the game, you see Peter Parker walk into a classroom, late, as a substitute teacher. Yes, he’s trying to be a substitute teacher despite his otherworldly scientific mind and his dedication to protecting New York City. 


Well, right as class begins, an emergency erupts, sending Spider-Man to ditch his classroom and save the day. Which, of course, leads to him getting fired. 


Afterwards, he’s stuck looking for a new job, so he doesn’t have to sell Aunt May’s house, who got murdered in the first video game. 


Now, what makes Spider-Man especially stooooopid?

Well, his nerd friend created an app which allows anyone to update it with crimes happening around them in real time. It’s a brilliant app. And it gives you ample opportunity to complete crime subquests. 


Not to mention… 


Peter Parker literally has an otherworldly scientific mind. 


In the game’s lore, he made his own suit. Helped Doc Ock with his experiments. And mayhap be one of the brightest minds in the entire world. 


Except when it comes to money. 


My recommendation? 


He should simply monetize the brilliant app he helped develop. Hell, even setting up a GoFundMe page—as Spider-Man, who, despite the criticisms from J. Jonah Jameson and a garden variety of podcasters (because, yes, this game happens in modern day) has the best positioning than perhaps anyone else living in Spider-Man’s NYC—could fund him for years. 


As a genuine superstar and superhero, Spider-Man can also make hella bank by simply showing up, suited up, at corporate, community, and political events for some extra cheddar cheese.


And again, offering in-app microtransactions or donations for his app which literally stops crime in its tracks would be simple and effective. 


Alas, that probably wouldn’t make for the best story. 


But I couldn’t help but laugh at his stupidity. 


Which reminds me: 


Businesses make the same exact mistake as Spider-Man does. 


They have a massive source of potential wealth sitting under their nose that they look at every day. But they either don’t know how to monetize it, they’ve tried to monetize it and it backfired, or they’re so far in the weeds of their business that they don’t even realize they’re sitting on such a fat stack of potential wealth. 


Of course, I’m referring to your email list: A treasure trove of revenue waiting to be dialed up and sent to the mooooon. 


Need help turning this massive source of wealth and revenue on for your business? 


Hit reply, and let’s set up a quick call to make sure we’re a good fit. 


Don’t be Spider-Man, cully. 


Hit reply, and let’s chat. 


John

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