Familiar with cursed knowledge?
It’s knowledge so powerful, so eeeeevile!, and so unforgettable that once you hear this knowledge once, it forever curses your mind. For better or for worse.
~~~ eeeeevile! glare~~~
Mayhap you know where I’m going with this…
I have 4 examples of cursed marketing knowledge. And before I officially dive in, I’m required (legally) to warn you that to scroll down on this email at your own risk.
I will not be held liable for any mental breakdowns or breakthroughs if you choose to continue scrolling.
I will not be held liable for any mental breakdowns or breakthroughs if you choose to continue scrolling.
i not be held liable for any mental breakdowns or breakthroughs if you choose to continue scrolling.
I said: I not be held liable for any mental breakdowns or breakthroughs if you choose to continue scrolling.
Once more: John will not be held liable for any mental breakdowns or breakthroughs if you choose to continue scrolling.
Still here?
Oh boy - I must not be doing an adequate job of convincing you to exit this email.
~~~ eeeeevile! glare~~~
So here’s what I’ll do:
Click outta this email right meow ~
I mean it!
If you don’t—
~~~ eeeeevile! glare~~~
Ahhhh, sorry dear reader, your original narrator has left.
This is Evile John now.
And I have no time to waste on such niceties such as convincing your mind not to be cursed with knowledge. As far as I’m concerned, a stretched brain cannot return to its original size. And this cursed knowledge will stretch your brain into a-whole-nother realm of marketing know-how.
Cursed marketing know-how, yes - mwuahahahahahaha
But know-how nonetheless.
Okay, the other John wasted enough time:
Cursed Knowledge #1: More emails = more moolah
This is the curse that started it all.
I know, it means you actually have to spend more time thinking and planning and prodding and writing and sending emails. Well, if you care about your business that is.
Mwuahahaha.
I can hear your objections already:
“But Evile John sir, writing emails is haaaaaard!”
“But but but but… what if I don’t know what to write about?”
(I’m literally writing an email now where I’ve split in two, you can tap into a wee bit of your creative juices if’n you tried, cully.)
“But John…”—stop it right there. I told ya I’m Evile John and I’ll be addressed as such, continue, “sorry, but Evile John! Won’t everybody just unsubscribe or get angry and hit the spam button if I send them more emails?”
To which I’d say: They signed up for your emails, yeah?
Then send away.
More:
Everyone who unsubscribes doesn’t matter anyway. Why? Sending more emails also acts as a qualifier. Lukewarm leads have a simple decision:
Become cold and unsubscribe because they were never gonna buy anyway
Become warm and make a purchase because they were always gonna buy anyway
The more you force your lukewarm leads to make this decision, the healthier your business, the greater your impact, and the fatter your bank account.
Moving on:
Cursed Knowledge #2: A lot of reviews are fake
While you might think Evile John might try to convince you to fake your reviews, that’s not what I’m doing.
Because despite being Evile for an email, well, I still have moral and ethical standards. And faking reviews ain’t nothing more than an example of bad manipulation.
Now - not all manipulation is bad. Even virtuous John wields manipulation.
But there’s a right way and wrong way to manipulate.
Anyway, a lot of reviews are fake. Do with that what thou wilt.
Next:
Cursed Knowledge #3: Gurus have gurus too
That favorite marketing guru you follow and devour every lame platitude they put into the ether?
Yeah… that guru probably has a guru too.
More:
Gurus, despite how good at marketing they are, are usually ab-so-lute-ly god-awful at email marketing.
Why?
They have no relationship with their list.
They think short copy is somehow more effective than long copy, when the real goal is time spent with you.
And they also don’t practice what they preach. Because not only is there gurus above them, but there are also wannagurus below them, on their teams, sending the main guru’s emails, and eating up every lame platitude their guru tosses into the ether, which, believe it or not, isn’t all that helpful to growth or relationship-based marketing.
Here’s the bad news:
This means that following your favorite guru's advice ain’t gonna cut it anymore. You’re gonna have to think for yourself. And that's the graveyard entrance for most businesses and ideas.
And last but not least?
Cursed Knowledge #4: Democrats get better inbox deliverability than republicans
Not sure there’s much else to say here.
I don’t make the rules - but I sometimes abide by them.
And the fact of the matter is, simply leaning towards a certain political persuasion can lead to better deliverability, revenue, and impact.
Again, do with this what thou wilt.
Despite being Evile!, I wouldn’t recommend lying to your audience about your politics just for a cheap, short-term win. Not because I believe it’s “bad” or “wrong” to be polarizing, in fact, that is the #1 reason to leverage your political views.
It’s simply because lying ain’t how good relationships are built.
Which brings me to something I’ve been dishonest about:
(I’m not actually Evile!, I’m the same John that started this email lol.)
And now that I’ve cleared up that “lie,” let’s get onto business:
If you’re struggling with deliverability, what to write or say in your emails, or how to write your emails in a way that actually leads to sales, hit reply, and let’s chat.
Oh no he’s ba-
~~~ eeeeevile! glare~~~
Mwuahahaha,
Evile John
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