top of page
Search

perhaps the best example of the worst business in history

Today, we’re talking about the DMV as it’s known in Ohio—or the BMV as it’s known practically everywhere else.


Despite how silly having a different brand in one state from everywhere else is, that actually ties into my larger point today.


Because the only thing stopping the DMV (as I’ll call it for the remainder for this email #OhioProud) from being the worst business in history is… well, them being called a business (which is debatable since it’s a government agency).


Just think about it:


Nobody—and I mean ab-s0-lutely nobody—likes the DMV. Even the most ardent government supporters admit they hate the DMV (and as someone who has grown up in a bluer part of Ohio for most of my life, this means a lot.)


Employees are rude to you.


They ignore you.


They obviously don’t give two shyts about your life or their job.


Going into the DMV for even the tiniest thing can magically steal 3 hours from your day.


They barely innovate, and when they do, it actually makes the customer experience worse.


For example, they recently rolled out a new “smarter” way to give you a new driver’s license when you need it. You used to be able to go into the DMV, and hours later (because they move slow as sin), you’d have a fresh, new, unexpired driver’s license.


Until a few years ago, when they rolled out this new system.


In this new system, you still have to go to the DMV for hours to get a new driver’s license. But instead of rewarding you with a driver’s license after waiting in government purgatory for hours, they tell you that your new driver’s license should come by way of mail to your house in 2 weeks.


And they give you a little piece of paper to carry alongside your expired driver’s license to prove that even though it’s expired, it’s still legal. But forget this little piece of paper—which doesn’t fit into any kind of wallet because it’s a different size from driver’s licenses—and you’re at the mercy of the government and their thugs. (Is my inner anarchist coming out?!)


Or how bout a more recent example of their innovation:


Last time I trekked to the DMV, I needed a new $60 license sticker. (Why in the world are these so expensive in the first place?)


And, I was utterly shocked at first by how the DMV innovated.


At my local DMV, no matter what your reason for being there was, you’d have to wait in the same line as the 50 other people who had to go there too.


Even if you needed to pay your $60 tax for a stupid little sticker.


But the most recent time I went there, they actually created a new line, a separate line, to steal $60 from you in exchange for a sticker.


“Wow, I can’t believe this! I might not have to spend hours here this time,” I remember thinking to myself. Oh, sweet little summer child.


And yet, this line moved no faster than the main line. It was shorter, so it cut down on some waiting time. But not by much.


What’s so hard about serving people in a line, collecting their $60, and handing them a sticker?


Well, after waiting for about an hour to get called to the front of the line, I stood in front of the desk with my $60 in hand. And you know what happened?


The workers had a full conversation between themselves while I stood at the desk, losing my patience. In fact, the lady who was supposed to serve me, left the room to go help another co-worker unpack his car. He had a bunch of luggage in there that for some reason needed to be unloaded into the DMV at the exact moment I approached the desk.


Who knows what the fvck else these state employees do instead of their jobs.


Anyway, why am I bringing this up?


Well, to be honest, I just remembered this and annoyed myself.


But the real reason?


You can’t run your business like the DMV. If they weren’t funded by the government, they wouldn’t exist. And unless you’re a big, corporate behemoth that our trusted leaders deem as “too big to fail,” the government isn’t gonna save your business on their dollar (which is to say, the taxpayer’s dollar) either.

So, give your customers a good experience at every chance you get.


This doesn’t mean you have to keep your eyes glued to your email inbox and respond to any customer or client questions within seconds. But responding in a timely manner, always doing your best for your clients and customers, and just generally being a good guy or gal will take you much further than you think in business.


Not a sexy secret by any means. But an effective one nonetheless.


Anywho:


If you wanna increase your email revenue with odd stories like these, hit reply, and let’s chat.


John

Today, we’re talking about the DMV as it’s known in Ohio—or the BMV as it’s known practically everywhere else.


Despite how silly having a different brand in one state from everywhere else is, that actually ties into my larger point today.


Because the only thing stopping the DMV (as I’ll call it for the remainder for this email #OhioProud) from being the worst business in history is… well, them being called a business (which is debatable since it’s a government agency).


Just think about it:


Nobody—and I mean ab-s0-lutely nobody—likes the DMV. Even the most ardent government supporters admit they hate the DMV (and as someone who has grown up in a bluer part of Ohio for most of my life, this means a lot.)


Employees are rude to you.


They ignore you.


They obviously don’t give two shyts about your life or their job.


Going into the DMV for even the tiniest thing can magically steal 3 hours from your day.


They barely innovate, and when they do, it actually makes the customer experience worse.


For example, they recently rolled out a new “smarter” way to give you a new driver’s license when you need it. You used to be able to go into the DMV, and hours later (because they move slow as sin), you’d have a fresh, new, unexpired driver’s license.


Until a few years ago, when they rolled out this new system.


In this new system, you still have to go to the DMV for hours to get a new driver’s license. But instead of rewarding you with a driver’s license after waiting in government purgatory for hours, they tell you that your new driver’s license should come by way of mail to your house in 2 weeks.


And they give you a little piece of paper to carry alongside your expired driver’s license to prove that even though it’s expired, it’s still legal. But forget this little piece of paper—which doesn’t fit into any kind of wallet because it’s a different size from driver’s licenses—and you’re at the mercy of the government and their thugs. (Is my inner anarchist coming out?!)


Or how bout a more recent example of their innovation:


Last time I trekked to the DMV, I needed a new $60 license sticker. (Why in the world are these so expensive in the first place?)


And, I was utterly shocked at first by how the DMV innovated.


At my local DMV, no matter what your reason for being there was, you’d have to wait in the same line as the 50 other people who had to go there too.


Even if you needed to pay your $60 tax for a stupid little sticker.


But the most recent time I went there, they actually created a new line, a separate line, to steal $60 from you in exchange for a sticker.


“Wow, I can’t believe this! I might not have to spend hours here this time,” I remember thinking to myself. Oh, sweet little summer child.


And yet, this line moved no faster than the main line. It was shorter, so it cut down on some waiting time. But not by much.


What’s so hard about serving people in a line, collecting their $60, and handing them a sticker?


Well, after waiting for about an hour to get called to the front of the line, I stood in front of the desk with my $60 in hand. And you know what happened?


The workers had a full conversation between themselves while I stood at the desk, losing my patience. In fact, the lady who was supposed to serve me, left the room to go help another co-worker unpack his car. He had a bunch of luggage in there that for some reason needed to be unloaded into the DMV at the exact moment I approached the desk.


Who knows what the fvck else these state employees do instead of their jobs.


Anyway, why am I bringing this up?


Well, to be honest, I just remembered this and annoyed myself.


But the real reason?


You can’t run your business like the DMV. If they weren’t funded by the government, they wouldn’t exist. And unless you’re a big, corporate behemoth that our trusted leaders deem as “too big to fail,” the government isn’t gonna save your business on their dollar (which is to say, the taxpayer’s dollar) either.

So, give your customers a good experience at every chance you get.


This doesn’t mean you have to keep your eyes glued to your email inbox and respond to any customer or client questions within seconds. But responding in a timely manner, always doing your best for your clients and customers, and just generally being a good guy or gal will take you much further than you think in business.


Not a sexy secret by any means. But an effective one nonetheless.


Anywho:


If you wanna increase your email revenue with odd stories like these, grab a time here.


John

1 view0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

What to do if your copy is “too long”

One of mayhap the most common “critiques” you’ll get as a copywriter is that your clients think your copy is too long. I put “critiques” in quotations because it’s (usually) not so much a critique of

live from the golf course

While I didn’t physically write this out at the golf course, I kinda did. Here’s what I mean: Yes, I am (probably) golfing now, depending on when you’re reading this email. My homie’s getting married

Comentarios


bottom of page